Fear of loneliness

The fear of loneliness is one of the most common fears among people today. It is also called autophobia if it is pathological in nature, when a person cannot stand loneliness at all. It would seem how this can be - after all, there are a lot of people around and there are also many ways to establish communication with them, which is the Internet alone, in which we can all communicate with each other. But we still feel lonely. Not all of them, of course, but many. Why is that? There are reasons for this, and in this article we will look at them with you. And then we'll figure out how to deal with the fear of being alone. To do this, it is not at all necessary to surround yourself with a large number of people and constantly communicate with them on all sorts of topics. In many cases, one can feel very good and comfortable alone. So friends, if the problem of loneliness is urgent for you, and you want to know how to cope with it, or rather, howcope with the fear it causes, then this article is for you.

The fear of loneliness has many reasons to exist. It is not at all necessary that the person who experiences such fear is truly alone. He just might feel lonely for a number of reasons. Suffice it to say that many people today feel very alone just because they pay less attention to each other and are less interested in each other. That is, we are talking not just about people's interest in each other, but about their interest in each other precisely as people, as individuals, and neither as resources or sources of some resources, nor as business partners with whom you can agree on something and so on. The value of a person in the eyes of other people, without all that he has, has decreased - that is the problem. And if other people do not value us, then we ourselves begin to value ourselves less, precisely as people, as a person, with all its advantages and disadvantages. This does not applyall, but many. Therefore, people strive to impress each other with the help of, for example, expensive and beautiful things, high status, bright appearance, and not with the help of some of their personal traits. Although it is clear that the same status and material security implies a certain difference between a person and other people, when he surpasses them in some way, and therefore has something that some do not have. But at the same time, we will not argue that people who are less successful in life are not interested in anything and there is nothing in them? We will not. But we pay less attention to them, admire them less often and even communicate with them rarely. And they do the same with us if we do not stand out in any way from the background of other people. As a result, we are all, as it were, in the shadow of those who surpass us in some way, and we are interested in each other only sometimes and only in a certain capacity, for example, as I said, as a resource or a source of resources. And ourpersonality traits often go unnoticed and underestimated, so we feel lonely. And we are afraid of this feeling. We are afraid not only of being alone, we are afraid of being worse than others, afraid of being unnoticed, not taken seriously, not taken by other people. These are all the roots of the fear of loneliness.

It is also worth noting that a fairly high pace of life and excessive practicality, which we all try to adhere to in order to keep up with modern living standards, have turned most of us into a kind of automaton. For which exclusively vital resources have become important, but not those goals and not the meaning for which these resources are mined. As a result, people even began to communicate with each other using standard phrases, stereotyped questions and answers, they do not show sincere interest in each other, they simply imitate communication. And if no one shows interest in you, as a person, as a person, but only looking for an opportunity to benefit from communicating with you, you will naturally begin to feel lonely. With the same success, a person could communicate with artificial interlocutor programs so as not to feel lonely. Moreover, these programs would not try something fromget him, which is already good. Therefore, in some cases, pets are quite enough for people, which create good company for them and warm their souls. After all, if a person communicates with you superficially, stereotyped and solely for the sake of some profit, and not because you are interesting to him, therefore, he does not take into account your desires and interests at all, does not pay attention to your problems, then what interest is there in such communication. What is the use of it? With such communication, you feel like a thing, not a person. As a result, a feeling of loneliness can flood us even when there are a lot of people around you, superficially interested in you and each other, such automatic people, not so much communicating with each other and with you, as imitating communication.

So it turns out that in order to get rid of the fear of loneliness, a modern person needs to look for ways, for a start, at least just to attract the attention of other people, at least somehow standing out from the background of everyone else. And then try to somehow keep this attention on yourself. The only question is how exactly to do it. There are many ways, I must say right away. You can really make yourself something interesting, special, unusual, due to a very long and painstaking work on yourself, or you can just create a lot of noise so that people are forced to pay attention to you. I think that all the ways to fill your life with the attention of other people have a right to exist. In the end, people themselves always decide what is interesting to them and what is important to them. You only offer them something, depending on your capabilities and desires. If you want to go deeper into this topic, if you need to somehow attract attention to yourself in order toto reduce the fear of loneliness, then I think that for this it is better for us to communicate with you separately, since there are so many ways to make ourselves interesting to other people. That all of them can not only be described for a very long time, but not all of them should be spoken about publicly.

Well, now we will talk about another very important point, because of which we feel the fear of loneliness even when there is no good reason for it. This moment is more common, so our entire further conversation will be devoted to it. It is about our dependence on other people, or rather, about the dependence of people on each other. In many cases, this dependence can be significantly reduced and thus not feel lonely in situations where no one is around. The problem is that people cannot be self-sufficient in those areas of their lives in which this is possible. They simply do not know how to come to this self-sufficiency. When a person really experiences or just feels his dependence on other people, both emotionally and materially, and cannot compensate for the lack of external resources with his internalresources - he will inevitably begin to be afraid of loneliness. Since it will mean for him the loss of what he needs.

Well, in this case, let's see how you can become self-sufficient, primarily emotionally, a person, as well as a confident and independent person, thanks to your inner world and thus cope with the fear of loneliness.

Our task is to reduce your dependence on the outside world and begin to receive more satisfaction from the inner world. To come to this, you must first of all find out what the outside world gives you, other people, men, women, no matter who, what gives you pleasure, joy, satisfaction, what makes you a happy person. Speech, as I have already said, can be either material or spiritual values, which in one way or another affect our emotional state. We usually need both. In other words, other people give us something, something tangible and intangible, and this makes us dependent on them. Now let's ask ourselves a question - what of what other people give us can we find inside ourselves? Or let's put the question even more broadly - how can we provide ourselves so as not to depend on other people?

Material values

Let's start with the material things that we all need, regardless of our inner state, but which can also very strongly bond us to other people. Let's think about what our material needs we can satisfy ourselves? By yourself, in the sense with your own hands, with your own head, with your own strength, and not at the expense of someone's help? Well, I guess every person has their own answer to this question. And you, I am sure, also have your own informed opinion on this matter. It depends on the opportunities that you have and on your desire to do something for yourself. For example, if we talk about money, then there are women in this life who are highly dependent on men in this matter - they are provided by men, therefore they are strongly attached to them with money. There are also men who are supported by women, or by their parents. And there are women who are not bad at themselvesprovide, they themselves earn well and men do not particularly need money, or do not need it at all. There are other material resources that can attract some people to others and bind them to each other. It is with the fact that of such resources attracts you to other people and makes you dependent on them - you need to figure it out in order to understand which of these material things you can provide for yourself, or what you can refuse so as not to depend on others of people. And thus, do not be afraid of them, these people, to lose. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman - the better you can take care of yourself, the less material will connect you with other people and make you dependent on them. And this dependence, I repeat, feeds our, your fear of loneliness.

The next need, if we talk about the dependence of people of different genders from each other, is the need for sexual intimacy - let's call it that. A person is arranged in this way, it does not matter whether it is a man or a woman, we are talking about that if he is completely healthy and young enough, then he is sexually attracted to individuals of the opposite sex. This need is absolutely normal and completely natural, having, first of all, its natural goals. People need to reproduce somehow, so they need each other. But this need, again, makes us dependent on each other. And often the feeling of loneliness in people arises precisely because they cannot find a partner for an intimate relationship. So, let's think about whether a person can satisfy this need himself. Well, not completely unnatural, or better to say, not quite the right way, of course, he can, if he wants to getpleasure. After all, for humans, intercourse is mostly a way to get pleasure, not a way to reproduce. And this pleasure can be obtained in other ways, without a partner. Even if this is not exactly what nature expects from us, nevertheless, people thus get the desired pleasure, thereby reducing their dependence on people of the opposite sex. Here you also need to think about how much this need makes you dependent on other people, on men or on women. And how much your fear of loneliness is connected with this need. I do not think that in this matter you need to become a completely self-sufficient person, but some points associated with it can be revised. For example, if you are used to meeting different men or women who are interesting in their own way, but by virtue of their character and life position do not differ in constancy and reliability, so you are with themhave to leave after a while. Then you can try to show interest in less bright, less temperamental, less interesting men or women, but at the same time more constant, reliable and stable. Then your life will become more calm and predictable, and, accordingly, the feeling of loneliness, in the form of fear of parting with another partner, will go away. You will be able to satisfy your sexual need with a person who will need you as much as you need him. This means that you will not have the fear of losing him, which means that the fear of loneliness will not annoy you.

The next point is protection. In this case, if we talk about a woman, then she feels a need for this, that is, she needs a man as a protector. In general, this is a need for certain services from other people. Men also have certain needs for the services of a woman. For example, they need female support, care, attention, affection, and so on. These needs also need to be taken into account when deciding for yourself what you need and what you can provide for yourself. Let's say there are such men who cannot, or rather do not want to protect their woman, in the broadest sense of the word, they simply do not value her highly enough to try to protect her by any possible means. Therefore, the question arises - does a woman need such a man, precisely as a protector, or is it better for her to find herself another man for this purpose, or can she protect herself much better? Men also do notwill interfere with thinking about how a woman is. With which they live or are going to live together, meets their requirements, or better to say, how much they need what this or that woman can offer them. In other words, think about what brings you closer to this or that person, and what or how you can replace what he or she gives you. It is possible that you need a completely different person for a relationship, for a life together, or at least you do not need someone who is next to you now. Then the dependence on this person will be significantly lower. And if he disappears from your life, you will not feel too lonely. It's like losing something that you didn't really need. But this is true, only from a material point of view, this is the case. We will talk about the spiritual connection between people below.

In the meantime, let's talk about another very important need, related to a greater degree to material values, which we can satisfy only with the help of other people - this is the need for a family. And more precisely, this is the need for procreation in the most acceptable way for our culture. This need should not be confused with sexual desire, since sexual desire can be and often is for people a way of getting pleasure, which I already wrote about above, that is, people perceive this attraction exclusively on a biological level. The need for procreation through an alliance with a person of the opposite sex, through a family, through a serious relationship, if we argue at the level of our culture, implies a more, let's say, an advanced approach to life. And this need gives rise to a desire in us to be close to such a person, thanks to whom we canto satisfy her in the best way. That is, if you are a woman, you need a reliable, responsible, serious, caring man with whom you can start a family, who can become a good father to your children and a good husband to you. You understand that not every man is suitable for such a role. And not having a man suitable for satisfying this need - you can feel very lonely, and of course, you will be afraid of this loneliness, because you will be afraid that you will not have a family and you will not have children.

And if you are a man, then to satisfy this need you need a caring, decent, responsible, honest, and, as I believe, an intelligent woman who is capable of becoming a good mother for your children and a good wife for you. Again, not every woman meets these requirements, at least sufficiently. Therefore, I repeat once again, you must understand well what you really need and how much the person who is next to you or whom you are looking for corresponds to your goals and generally suits you. Keep in mind that this need - the need to procreate by creating a normal family, you yourself will not be able to satisfy. Therefore, whatever you say, you need another person, a partner, and you will definitely not find him inside yourself. Therefore, if your fear of loneliness is connected precisely with this need, think carefully about how best to satisfy it.

Spiritual values

Now let's talk about spiritual values ​​and, accordingly, about our need for them. Let's start with such an important human need as the need for communication. It is quite obvious that this need is not directly related to material resources, unless communication is aimed at achieving a specific goal related to material resources. But in this case we are talking about such communication, which brings, first of all, moral satisfaction to a person. Of course, I must say that not all people need communication, at least frequent and intense communication, but they still need, albeit a little communication, with a limited circle of people, but they do. This means that in our life there should be such people with whom we can communicate when we need it. Or we somehow have to be able to satisfy this need ourselves, at least partially.

So let's think, can a person, at least partially replace communication with other people, with something else? My experience tells me that yes, it can. Life is full of examples when people communicate - with interesting books, with themselves - conduct an internal dialogue, with their colorful fantasies, or, one might say, with their inner world. What does that require? - Good imagination and ability to fantasize. As soon as a person learns to imagine and fantasize, as well as to conduct deep reflections, his need for communication with other people will significantly decrease. Reading interesting literature also helps to get rid of loneliness, as reading promotes the development of imagination and thinking. Thanks to reading, we conduct a mental dialogue with the book, with its author, with those characters who are described in it and with our own thoughts. And then our inner world blooms and we are no longer soit's boring when no one is near us. The inner world of all people is rich enough, we just do not always pay attention to it, therefore we do not know how to fully enjoy it. You need to get used to this world. And first you need to discover it for yourself. Usually we receive emotional and psychological energy from the outside world, and only a few of us draw this energy within ourselves. These people are usually considered introverts. However, introverts are also to a large extent dependent on the outside world, in particular on communication with people. And they feel lonely when there is no one in their life with whom they could share something, someone they could tell something, and so on.

But this is not the point, not about introverts or extroverts - it's about the ability to switch from the outside world to the inside when necessary. To do this, you need to learn to get pleasure from internal dialogue, from thinking, from reading, from dreams. And when there are many vivid images, interesting people, all sorts of events around you, when your life is in full swing, there is simply no time left for immersion in yourself, and there is no need or desire to communicate with yourself. Still, the outer world for most people justifiably seems much more interesting and rich than the inner world, it makes a stronger impression on most of us. In addition, it is easier to enjoy the outside world than the inner one; this does not require much effort from us. It's like watching a movie and reading a book, in the first case you don't really need to think too much - all the images are provided to you in finished form, you just have to watch them,to experience the observed events, to be happy or sad. Whereas in the case of a book, you need to turn on your imagination, draw the appropriate images for yourself, imagine the experiences of the main characters, some events, people, and so on. That is, when reading a book, the brain is more loaded than when watching a movie, which means that a person is more actively immersed in his inner world, in his own thoughts. Therefore, if you read a lot and think a lot, fantasize, dream, conduct an internal dialogue, then you can accustom yourself to interesting communication with yourself and not feel lonely when there is no one around with whom you could communicate. But you need to accustom yourself to this. You need to give yourself time to think, to read interesting literature, to think about your life and just to be alone with yourself in peace and quiet. Discover in yourself an interesting interlocutor with whom youyou can chat anytime, anywhere.

As for aesthetic things, values ​​that we love to admire, then they can also be replaced. We can admire not only external, and therefore someone else's beauty, other people's creations, but also internal, and therefore our own beauty, our own creations. To do this, you need to start creating! You need to start - to draw, write, compose and so on, in general, somehow materialize your fantasy, translate your dreams into reality, into something beautiful. The creator will never feel lonely if he is completely immersed in his creativity. Here it is important to learn how to get pleasure not from external things, not from someone else's work, but from your own, from your own achievements in the field of art and creativity. The more you engage in creative activities, the less you will need the company of other people and the beautiful and aesthetic things that they create.All your attention will be focused on the pleasure that you begin to receive from your own activities. Of course, in this sense, you should not close yourself off from the outside world, I think you understand this perfectly, but it is very important to contribute to the beauty of this world in order to increase your value in your own eyes. Then with such a person - with yourself, you will not be lonely.

Our memories are also of great value to us. Without these memories, we would not exist as individuals. And when we are lonely, we can immerse ourselves in these memories and, with their help, fill the outer emptiness with inner experiences. Remember how many interesting and bright things were in your life and are now in your memory. Rummage in your head, find something interesting, pleasant, warm in it and live it again, then at least your mood will improve. You can always mentally relive all the best moments in your life, remembering them in all the details, as much as possible. Sometimes people are so deeply immersed in their memories that they completely do not notice what is happening to them in real reality, so their memories strongly influence them. Good memories, by the way, help to overcome all kinds of life difficulties, and not onlyloneliness.

It is also very important to learn how to observe everything that surrounds us, you. Life often becomes uninteresting and boring, because everything in it always gets boring, everything gets boring, everything becomes familiar and monotonous over time. But if we learn to notice more details in everything that surrounds us, then the world will immediately become more interesting and rich. Not only some colorful events can evoke exciting feelings and vivid emotions in us, but also everything that we usually do not notice against the background of these events. For example, you can admire the beauty of nature and get great pleasure from it. At night, you can admire the starry sky, reflect on space, about what secrets it hides in itself, about your life on the scale of the Universe - you can simply drown in these reflections, watching this amazingly fabulous world. Then no fear of loneliness will overcome you, for in this Universe you are not alone. The world is sois complex, that there will always be something to be surprised at, there will be something to enjoy and something to rejoice in, it is completely unnecessary to feel a feeling of loneliness in it, and even more so there is no need to be afraid of this feeling. You just need to become a little more attentive to everything that surrounds you in order to understand that you are not alone.

And finally, the last thing that can save you from the fear of loneliness and that is primarily spiritual, and later can become material value - this is a big, bright dream, a great idea, a mission that already endows. Or give your life meaning in the future. A person's awareness of the meaning of his life allows him to look at it as a story with a happy ending. Such a person knows how to get pleasure, both from every moment he lived, and from the future that he dreams of and to which he aspires, as well as from those memories of the past that he has. In other words, a person wholeheartedly perceives his life if he keeps valuable memories for him, knows how to enjoy what he has here and now, and thinks about his future, striving for his goal, dream, fulfillment of desires. All this allows him to see the meaning in his life, which is necessary for everyone like air.a sane person. The fear of loneliness in such a person will inevitably go out or will not arise at all, since there simply will be no room for him in the head, heart and soul of a person.

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